Feeling Settled

Ali and his older sister were going to do to year seven and then high school at Guildford Grammar and Perth College (three generations of the Bright boys had been educated at Guildford, Ali was to be the 4th). Guildford Grammar’s Current fees are around $25K per year. My parents didn’t even talk to me about high school despite me being in year 6 at the time. Whilst Ali’s parents were very busy with the newsagency they were ‘there’ for him in so many ways. His dad used to teach him how to drive and take him on the 4am paper runs to teach him how to throw the paper from the car properly. He used to show him how to run the business and even gave him to the job to be like a ‘foreman’ to the team of teenagers with milk grates on their BMX’s who used to do paper rounds for Mr Bright. We used to go around and drop accounts off for him. I never once recall Ali feeling like he was neglected by his folks. 

In comparison was my parents total non-involvement in my schooling to the extent that in year 4 when I had my class turn of taking the class mice home for the weekend that I had to walk the 1.5kms home carrying the glass aquarium all the way. I remember the looks that I received from the kids as I was walking home and the feeling of the sharp edges of the aquarium digging into my hands. They were the sorts of experiences that thankfully Ali did not have to have but in hindsight I am thankful for.

My other passion around this time was Lego – and I will give mum credit, I was the only kid at school that 1986/1987 Christmas that got an electric Lego train set. It joined my huge collection of Lego and I had soon built a city with Lego roads, buildings, and railway. I built my own level crossing and station. I can remember losing myself for hours with my Lego as a trusty companion. This was one of my many methods of escapism from a domestic situation I was not happy in. I can see upon retrospect the childlike, adolescent and adulthood forms of escapism that I have encountered in others and engaged in myself both adaptive and maladaptive. This one served me well at the time.

When Ali was busy with family or other things I would spend time by myself. I had a couple of goes at growing a vegetable patch. I sought permission from my step-father to dig up a little patch in the backyard to plant carrots. Permission granted I was then able to plan the garden (which I did with pencil and paper:). I dug out a section the middle of the area for the path and laid some spare pavers down. I then turned the soil and planted my carrot seeds in little mounds. I went out and watered them every day and the joy I experienced when they sprouted was unbelievable! I couldn’t wait to eat them – and I didn’t wait! In fact they were all eaten before they were longer than 5-6cms and not one of them made it to the kitchen like I had promised my mum when she bought the seeds for me! It was amazing to me that I could grow my own food and it embedded a passion for cultivation that still is part of me to this day.

My other pastime which I used to get into trouble for (so I just became really good at doing it without being caught) was climbing on the roof of the house and looking at the world from up there. I could see the city skyline from the roof and used to watch the planes flying over head. The sun would set over the city and I would lose myself in my imagination. I can still remember the feeling of sitting on the burning hot clay tiles and having to wait through the pain for a minute or so until they cooled off. Of feeling the cooling hints of a far way sea breeze. The feeling that I was above the world somehow, maybe immune from its effects was exhilarating. This stays with me to this day. When I feel overwhelmed I have always been drawn to high places.

I used to see my Dad once a fortnight. I would look forward to seeing him as I really felt loved and wanted by him. I had been saying for years to mum that I wanted to live with dad and that in my opinion there wasn’t much difference between me being a latchkey kid and living with dad (as he would still have to work) than living in a household that I spent all my time trying to avoid. Mum would continue however to fight Dad for custody and he would continue spending every cent he had on legal bills in an attempt to see more of us. I used to love being hugged and kissed by dad and feeling that he loved me. I had never experienced that from any other adult and feeling it made me realise how important it was and how bleak life can be when you don’t have that.

My other overarching feeling was that I was starting to feel settled at school. This was a sensation I was not familiar with after having three that school changes from Kinder to year 3. It was as if I was starting to have the geographic stability to start making decisions about the future. This was spurred on by the fact that Ali was going to be leaving Kewdale primary at the end of year 6 and I knew that I would not be able to compete with the elitism of the Guildford Grammar kids. Not only would I be without a best mate but I would be about to commence high school without one. I had it in my mind that if I kept on playing up for Mum and Ken that they would give up and let me go and live with dad. That was my plan and then I could live in south Perth and start a new school there. It seems strange now that I had this detailed plan but didn’t try and sit down with Mum/Dad and explain these things – perhaps things would have turned out different if I had thought to do that??